How to live a Holy Life.

Chapter 1 : One Flesh, are you sure?

Chapter 2: But Won’t That Hurt?

Chapter 3: Before Starting Over, Try This.

Chapter 4: A Man Shouldn’t Be Alone

Chapter 5: Count to Ten Before You Speak

Chapter 6: Maybe Some of It Was My Fault

Making Marriage Work by Joyce Meyer

Maybe Some of It Was My Fault Part 2

Holy life begins with getting rid of selfishness in your life. The paradox of  happiness is that it comes when you forget about yourself and live to help somebody else. If we don’t have righteousness, peace, and joy, then we have missed the kingdom.  Prosperity, healing, success, and promotions on our jobs are all kingdom benefits that God wants us to have. He shows us in the Bible how to get them.  (Romans 14:17) (Matthew 6:33)

So our priorities need to stay in line with God’s Word. We need to go to God not for what He can do for us, but for Who He is and because we need Him to survive every day. The kingdom of God is the realm within us. It is learning a response to daily life that differs from how  the world responds, and we need to pay more attention to this inner life we have available to us through Christ. We get too concerned with what everybody else things of us, but we need to be more concerned with what kind of thoughts we have.

If you are unhappy, examine yourself and ask,

• What’s going on in me that is not pleasing to God?
• What attitudes do I have that stink in the nostrils of God?
• Am I jealous, bitter, or resentful?
• HOw many people am I offended with?
• How many people do I  have unforgiveness against?
• How many people do I hate?
• How many people am I jealous of?

As I typed those questions I felt the guilt come upon me. If your heart is not full of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy ghost; happiness wont be found anywhere, or through anyone. It’s not your circumstances that make you unhappy; it’s not having things right on the inside of your heart. Jesus says we can have peace in the midst of the storm. (Matthew 8:26). When Peter said we can have joy unspeakable and full of glory (1 Peter 1:8) he was in the midst of persecution from Nero’s reign in Rome. Paul repeatedly spoke of his joy saying in all his troubles his joy knew no bounds. (2 Corinthians 7:4)

Dear God, I did not become a Christian so I could trade in my worldly misery for a Christian misery. Something is wrong. – Jerry Savelle.

The only way we will see changes is to learn what God’s Word says and, whether you feel like it or not, start doing what it says consistently day, after day. Improvements to your present conditions come from getting alone with God, confronting the devil yourself, and gaining victories that no devil in hell can take away from you. You must know who you are in Christ and seek peace and joy in the Holy Ghost.

When you can’t deliver yourself, and you can’t encourage yourself, you can still go encourage someone else. Sometimes when you can’t believe God for the mess you are in, you can encourage someone else to believe God. And as you share with them, your encourage yourself to believe God as well. Always remember that what you make happen for someone else, God will make happen for you.

You can have all kind of methods to make things happen but without the power flowing through that method it can become empty, dead works that wear you out and get your burned out with Christianity. Jesus’s didn’t come to teach us about rules, regulations, and method. He came to teach us how to have a personal relationship with the Almighty God and then with others.

How To Be Rid Of Strife

James 4 talks about strife.  What leads to strife? Jealousy and unfulfilled desires lead to strife. Strife gets started because of all the stuff we want that we don’t know how to get. So why don’t we get the things we want? First of all , we are trying to do it ourselves instead of asking God and the result is strife in our life. Secondly, we do ask God for it, but our motive is wrong. he can’t reward our wrong motives. There is a purification process that has to go on in our life. We just have to ask God, and He will give it to us in His way and in His time. I think that is what the problem is. We want it NOW and if we don’t get it soon, we probably wont get it mentality.

Try praying this:

God, help me to stay in Your will. I don’t want anything that You don’t want me to have. if it’s not You, God, slam the door in my face. 

We do not need to be afraid to walk in the light of God’s truth. Light exposes every bug and every rat in the room, and when you turn the light on, they all start running for some corner to hide in. We don’t know what is in us until we are tested. We don’t know what kind of endurance, steadfastness, or faithfulness we have until its been tried. We don’t know anything about being faithful to our spouse until that spouse is failing to do a few things we want them to do. 

Next Chapter:  Chapter 7

A Man Shouldn’t Be Alone

Chapter 1 : One Flesh, are you sure?

Chapter 2: But Won’t That Hurt?

Chapter 3: Before Starting Over, Try This.

Making Marriage Work by Joyce Meyer

A Man Shouldn’t Be Alone

Hebrews 13:4

Amplified Bible (AMP)

⁴Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.

All that God created was good, but when He looked at man, He said it wasn’t good for him to be alone, so He created woman and told them to become one. He blessed them and told them to be fruitful, multiply, and subdue the earth. God always starts out with something good and powerful, but it doesn’t take the enemy very long to come in and pervert it in an effort to steal and destroy what God wanted to give to us. In your marriage right now, do you think this is what God had planned for you?  Do you feel you both have room to improve!? I know we do in my marriage.

Marriage is certainly more than the ceremony, but to many people today it has been reduced to merely a day of flowers and festivities. Our divorce rate is extremely high due to people not coming into marriage with a serious mindset ready to work. Many people are very willing to give  up on their marriage to avoid all the work.  Those people who say I don’t know if I ever loved him, we just fell out of love, or we just grew apart; they were not building that foundation at the beginning, they coasted off of the high of the ceremony. There are many reasons people get married, but we need to be more serious about the commitment we are making.

Joyce spoke about how she didn’t even know what love was when she got married. She didn’t know how to give it or receive it. She had never seen real love coming toward her so she didn’t know what it was. She couldn’t even return the “I love you.” But she grew to love her husband. Through watching him hurting him, laughing with him, crying with him, and raising children with him, and now she can say that she knows she deeply loves him.

You never know when the devil is going to come and knock at your marriage door! Do not let that doubt creep in your mind and ruin this union your made before God.  The Bible says that marriage is a union; a joining of two that they are one. Many people are not understanding what this really is when they say “I do.”

Most of the time when we get married we are day and night as people and mixing two completely different people is difficult and requires work. God intended for you and your husband to become a blend when He joined you together. When this happens being torn apart is so much more difficult.

How Precious is Love?

Looking back on the scripture of Hebrews 13:4 we see that our marriage relationship should be honored in the home. Marriage should be held in honor. This is something that God created. Marriage is not a man;s idea. God was the One Who told Adam that he needed a helpmate. God was One Who brought a woman for him, and He joined the two together and said that the two shall become one flesh.

The minute you are married you are legally one, but becoming one is up to you both and God.  The bible says that we become one flesh meaning it is a process and will take time. As you working this out you must hold your marriage in honor and treat each other as fine china; precious. That honeymoon phase will most of the time end and if you remember to always treat your marriage as important you may just make it through.

It’s amazing how people treat each other when they’re dating compared to the way they treat each other after they get married. He seems to only have eyes for you, and you for him. You want to spend every waking moment with them. You stay up all night talking. What married couple can keep that up!? We feel that giving up the things we enjoy to do is worth it to spend the time with the person we are falling in love with. So why don’t we do this for the person we actually loved enough to marry?

It is amazing how differently we act when we were trying to get something from how we treat that something we were trying to get when we finally posses it. Once tat thing or someone belong to us we act a different way.We need to treat our spouses as if we are courting them every day of our marriage. If you do not work at your marriage, you are not going to have a good one.

Avoid getting a loose attitude toward marriage. We need to understand that if we are not going to follow God’s way, then we are opening doors for the devil to come in to kill, steal, and destroy. If you are always nit-picking, fighting, and arguing with each other, you will wear each other out.  even when you are not outwardly arguing, you let thoughts constantly run through your heat about all these things they do to you that you wish they wouldn’t do. The only thing that stands between us and our ability to do what God tells us to do is our flesh.  Pride rises up and keeps us from making the first move.

This scripture in Malachi address how a husband should treat his wife.

Malachi 2:10-14

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹⁰Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us? Why then do we deal faithlessly and treacherously each against his brother, profaning the covenant of [God with] our fathers?    ¹¹Judah has been faithless and dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah [that is, Jewish men] has profaned the holy sanctuary of the Lord which He loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god [having divorced his Jewish wife].

    ¹²The Lord will cast out of the tents of Jacob to the last man those who do this [evil thing], the master and the servant [or the pupil] alike, even him who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts.

    ¹³And this you do with double guilt; you cover the altar of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives], and with [your own] weeping and crying out because the Lord does not regard your offering any more or accept it with favor at your hand.

    ¹⁴Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows].

The issue here is not whether you are jewish or not The point God is saying is, “Listen, you have divorced the wife of your youth, and you have married someone else, and I am not pleased with it.” simple as that.  God cannot accept their offerings because the men of Judah have blatantly disobeyed Him. Why was He mad? They disobeyed.

Joyce makes sure to make it clear that there are cases where divorce is the only option, but certainly not in most cases that we see. Many marriages end in divorce today simple because people are not willing to go through what it takes to make a marriage good. God hates divorce, but not the person doing the divorce, we need to never lose sight of that.

There is no use spending the rest of your life feeling guilty if you have divorced. Start now, make up your mind that from today forward marriage is intended for a lifetime.  If you are married now, make this marriage work. If you are single, wait until you know for sure that your are ready for a lifetime commitment. God is a witness to our marriage, he participated in your marriage. When we do something to hurt our marriage that is in turn hurting God.

The bible says, if a man deals treacherously and faithlessly with his wife, God does not take kindly… V.15 point to God’s purpose for marriage.

 ¹⁵And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.

So why did God make the two of your one? Because He sought a godly offspring from your union. Joyce believes this is what comes from this scripture. How interesting…. makes me think of the royal families who take such good care of their wife as they are pregnant sometimes  bed-rest so that heir will be born and hope for a male. Without this heir their family name will not go on. Joyce extends it even more to our godly fruit that comes from the union.

What Kind of Fruit Are You Bearing?

Married couples need to love each other often. We cannot just come to each other when we wants something. We need to be in the habit of loving each other and being sweet to our spouse. God wants us to love, exhort, and edify each other and not be jealous or envious of each other. That unity and oneness is the presence of His power that gives God glory.

There is so much deceit in marriages today because there is a lack of straightforward truthfulness and honesty.  Woman buy things and hide it from their husbands. Husbands go out and do things and do not tell their wives.

¹⁶For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].

If you feel that you are in a dead-end marriage go to God; ask for His help, this chapter is not about those instances. Joyce says she believes there are proper grounds for divorce, even though God hates it. We should not have a loose attitude toward divorce, but we should do everything we can to avoid it.

Marriage does require that both partners yield to God, but one may have to put forth more effort in the beginning. Eventually there will have to be sacrifices from both people. There will have to be giving in and change of heart from both people if their marriage is going to work.

In V 16 the bible refers to his wife as his garment. The Bible teaches in both Ephesians and 1 Peter that the wife is the man’s glory. How the wife appears to other people reflects on the husband and his headship of the household. When the husband is good to his wife, it shows and make him look good to his community. He is bearing good fruit.

How many times do we actually tell our mate what we want? Or do we just expect them to read our minds? Do you have any idea how happy you’ll be if you’ll set yourself to meet that others persons needs and quit worrying about getting your own needs met?

The very principle of love is to forget about yourself, ignore yourself and all your own interests, and get into the relationship to make the other person happy. The Bible says if you give, you will receive. We must not shut off our ears to the way of God or we will take a selfish route that will lead to loneliness instead of union.

Next Chapter: Count to Ten Before You Speak

But Wont that hurt?

Chapter 1 One Flesh, are you sure?

Making Marriage Work by Joyce Meyer

But Wont that Hurt?

Ephesians 5:29-31

²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

What is God really asking us to do and what is His purpose in all of this?

What is this “becoming one”? We learned in the last chapter it is adapting to each other. Now how do we do this? Joyce says “becoming one” is not something we are told to do but something that would happen to us through the process of His plan. It is not something we can make happen, we have to let it happen. Just like grace and the blessings of God we cannot make this stuff happen, we have to receive it. Becoming one also included your goals and decisions.

Married couples who submit themselves to God’s leading are examples of the love relationship that is available between a believer and Jesus.

Psalm 37:4-5

⁴ Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

When a wife delights in her husband as unto the Lord, the Lord will in turn attend to the desires and secret petitions of her heart. A husband is supposed to nourish and carefully protect his wife as he would his own flesh. God has not called us into bondage but into the mystery of His way that leads to freedom.

Someone has to be First

One of us must trust God enough to take the first step. God loved us first, and we loved Him back. He reaffirms us concerning His love and we start loving others and eventually. the love becomes so intertwined in us that it no longer matters who was first to love the other.

Ephesians 5

¹ Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children ² and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

We are to be useful and helpful and kind to one another, tender-hearted, compassionate, and understanding with the other.  In becoming like Christ, we will naturally turn our attention on the needs of others.  It is painful to work in a relationship. but it more painful to reap failure, dissension, and separation from those we love because we have simple neglected them and sown bad seed.

So to become one we must first draw near to Christ and become like Him. 

 Love Grows Where It Is Sown

Just like God’s love changes us to be more like Him, His love between two people can cause them to adapt and be at peace with each other as they become more like Christ in each other’s presence.

When we receive the Lord, His strength comes into us to overcome any situation. Joyce speaks about her upbringing again causing many stronghold in her marriage and how when she was saved she felt that salvation was easily taken away at any little sin. Obviously as she grew in Christ she found that God was with her all those years. He helped her endure and to come out of the circumstances that had held her captive.

Although some parents make bad decisions when raising their kids, God can take that child and transform the child’s heart to be as pure as though had happened to him or her. There isn’t anything that God cannot turn around for the good if we love and obey Him. Joyce says God has taken all the bad in her life and used it to reach many lives with His love and transforming power. She encourages us not to spend our lives trying to understand why things happen the way they do, just close the door on the past and let God lead you into a wonderful future.

Hurting people hurt other people. Satan wants the one who was hurt to spend the remained of his life hating the one who hurt them, but God’s plan is just the opposite. God teaches us to forgive by faith, trust Him to heal our emotions, then get on with life. Life is not always fair, but God is.  He is the God of justice and He will bring compensation to those who have been hurt if they place their trust in Him instead of taking matters into their own hands.

Love Turns Things Around For The Good

Romans 8:24-28

²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. ²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

 ²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.

 How amazing to know even when we don’t know what to pray for, God does. So those almost hopeless cries to God please help me God I don’t know what to do; they might actually be doing something. Just keep talking to God and putting your faith in Him and everything will turn to good!

God’s Love Is The Beginning Of Romance

A marriage flows so much better when someone is going to God seeking help; it doesn’t matter if it the wife or husband. Someone needs to hear from God concerning the conflicts and challenges they face and be willing to make the changes that God directs so that love begins to grow in the relationship.

God’s Word Establishes His Love In Our Hearts

Sometimes in our life we feel as if God presence has left us. We cannot hear Him or feel Him. Joyce says sometimes we need to experience a time of silence. When we feel all alone we have to learn how to live all over again because we depend on God’s voice. We must always know God’s promises are true regardless of what our five senses experience. Often when He is silent the Lord is wanting us to learn how to come back to the intimate position with Him through the Word and faith alone.

Isaiah 40:8

⁸ The grass withers and the flowers fall, 
   but the word of our God endures forever.”

We need to become familiar with the Scriptures so God can prepare us for all the upcoming problems. What could God be preparing us for?

Don’t Let Anyone Steal Your Joy

Many disagreements could be avoided if we didn’t depend on our spouse to make us happy. Joyce’s husband’s contentment was in God’s promise not in her compliance. Since she was a tough cookie to deal with, this came in handy.

People feel that if they have a problem they are almost obligated to be unhappy. Like how can I be happy when we can barely pay mortgage, bills are behind, my mom is sick, my husband is always gone. and the list goes on. Some spouses feel that if they aren’t happy their spouse shouldn’t be ether; misery wants company.

It is important for people who are married to a troubled person or married to somebody having problems, or who isn’t saved; to strive for stability in God. People must not let a troubled spouse’s behavior dictate their joy. They should strive to be stable and solid, so their behavior can witness to the other person.

Your upbringing and past can effect how you deal with situations. Think back to how you saw problems be worked out at home as a child. In these negative atmosphere’s where some grew up, they learn to not trust because someone will let you down and if they are being nice to you there must be some ulterior motive.

Happiness Is Your Own Responsibility

Just as us being happy is our responsibility it is also our spouses. Sometimes we just can’t MAKE them be happy. They have to change from the inside out and on their own timeframe. Pushing usually never ends where we want.  The only thing we can do is pray.

Trust in the Lord that He will bring happiness and changing to your heart and your desires for your spouse as well. Stay in the Word and follow his commands no matter what any other person does. Only then does an individual find the true path to happiness and wholeness.

 Next Chapter: Before Starting Over, Try This.

Marriage is a Friendship

Ever been camping? You know you need to stock your fire with kindling and get those coals going strong rather than just pour gasoline on it to have it flame. Gasoline works of course, but when the fire dies down it will go out. When you stock those coals and take your time, those coals will usually last all night and be there in the morning to easily start the flame again. If you keep feeding the fire it can stay aflame even through a storm! This is the theme of our marriage retreat and so true about our relationships.

We tend our relationships well at the beginning; we go on dates and talk all night! Everything is exciting and new and worth the energy and time. Then distractions come in like kids, jobs, illnesses and we do longer make tending our fire a priority.

Happily married couples behave like friends and handle conflicts in positive ways.

Session 1 with Greg and Kathy Moore

Friendship

In our relationship conflict is healthy but we need to have a 5 to 1 ratio on positive and negative comments. If not you will become argumentative and withdrawn. It is the small things that are the blowing on the coals of the fire.

Magic 5 to 1 ratio Adapted from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Gottman & SIlver.

• Show interest: Looking the spouse in the eye when they talk with nods and uh huhs. It’s acknowledgement.
• Be affectionate: subtle and quiet ways like touching, a pat, holding hands, touch feet while you read the paper at breakfast. Nothing even needs to be said. Of course words of affirmation are also ways of showing affection.
• Small acts of kindness: quick calls during the day, a note in their lunch box, helping with housework.
• Be appreciative: A small words of thanks for routine expectations like putting clothes away, complimenting spouse of something like they look nice today.
• Show your concern: Express concern for your spouses worry. It may not bother you, but you need to let them know you understand it effects them.
• Be accepting: Acknowledge that you hear what they are saying even if you do not agree. Summarizing what they say lets them know they were heard.
• Play and Joke around: playful teasing silliness when you know it is received as that. If you notice they don’t really appreciate your joke, that would be a sign not to do it.
• Share your joy: Let your partner know when you feel exceptionally good. That picks up the others spirit.
• EKG Eye contact, Kiss, Goodbye or greeting: Whenever you are parting or coming try to kiss and give them a second of your time.

John Gottman has been conducting marital therapy research for almost 30 years, and is a well-respected leader in the field. Based on this research and clinical testing of the theory, he and his wife Julie Schwartz-Gottman have developed a solid understanding of why some relationships last and why some do not, as well as an effective model for relationship therapy. The Gottmans have studied both the “masters and disasters” of marriage (as the absence of what makes for a good relationship may not necessarily be the same thing as what makes for a bad relationship), and offers that there are a number of myths about why relationships succeed or fail. – source

 Myth #1 Affairs cause divorces – Gottman reported that 20-25% of people in divorce mediation groups say an affair was areason the marriage ended, but the reason given by 80% is the deterioration of intimacy in the couple.

• While in the 1970′s men had (or at least reported having) more affairs across their lifetime than women, the numbers are now about equal; today 32% of men and 21% of women admit to sexual infidelity at some point during the marriage (Tafoya & Spitzberg, 2007).
• It is thought that the equalization of infidelity rates in men and women is largely due to women moving into the work force, and having greater access to partners and financial freedom to pursue other options if they are unhappy in the marriage.

Myth #2 Gender differences cause divorce – If this were so, the divorce rate would be 100% for heterosexual couples, and 0% for gay and lesbian couples. The whole “Men are from Mars: Women are from Venus” stereotype is based on outdated gender norms.

Myth #3 – Communication problems cause marital conflict – Actually, distressed people communicate quite clearly what they feel and mean. The Gottman’s note that you can’t really teach people to never disagree or argue, as all couples disagree and argue at some time. Rather, what is important is what they do about it, how they reach some kind of agreement afterward, and how they handle the emotions stirred by conflict. While the Gottman’s offer that men are somewhat more likely to engage in some processes of emotional shutdown (flooding), and that women are somewhat more likely to begin sensitive discussions in harsh ways (nagging), both men and women engage in both processes.

Myth #4 No quid pro quo makes for an unsuccessful marriage – The idea is that doing good things for your partner is contractual on getting good things back; if you do this for me, I’ll do this for you, but if you don’t do this for me, I won’t do this for you. The Gottmans’ research shows this is not the case for unhappy couples (“disasters”), but neither is it true for happy couples (“masters”). This makes sense when you think about… Quid pro quo reasoning is good for legal contracts, but not for relationship contracts. The goal of American marriage is love, and so having your partner do things for you because they get things from you doesn’t really make you feel loved.

So what IS true?

Truth: When it comes to arguments, it’s more your match than your style – The Gottman’s found that the conflict style of the partners (attackers, soothers, avoiders) matters less than thematch between the couple:

• soothers overwhelm avoiders, and you get the distancer-pursuer dynamic where the first chases the second seeking some reaction while the second avoids the first to avoid being hounded
• soothers and attackers have little ability to influence each other, little positive sentiment, and a great deal of emotional tension
• avoiders and attackers are the worst pairing, showing severe distancer-pursuer patterns

Truth: Most problematic issues are not solved, but managed – The Gottmans’ found that masters and disasters in marriage both faced chronic problems. The difference was that masters tended to find a way to deal with them to keep them in check, while disasters tended to constantly fight and feel gridlocked around what to do.

Positive Sentiment Override

Make your marriage a priority. A way to make sure that happens in using positive sentiment override. In Positive Sentiment Override (PSO), positive comments and behaviors outweigh negative ones about 20:1. This means that there is a positive filter that alters how couples remember past events and view new issues. Just because your spouse did something negative in your eyes that should not effect how you view their character. The smalls things they do that impress you go straight to their quality and character. This feels like grace to me.  PSO is built on a few basic processes:

• An intact Fondness and Admiration System, in which the couple is affectionate and clear about the things they value and admire in the other. Remember Oprah’s idea of a “thankfulness log,” or a daily list of things you appreciate and are thankful for? This is how it helps marriages.
• Love Maps or a good knowledge of the partner’s world (work, family, self) and showing an interest in it during non-conflict times. Have you ever seen those marriage quizzes that ask things like, “True or False: I know what my partner wants to be doing in five years” or, “True or False: I know my partner’s most painful childhood memory”? These are the kinds of things that people know about their partners when they have well-defined Love Maps.

An absence of serious conflict, marked by

• Softened Startups, or tactful ways to bring up a problem
• soothed Physiology during the argument so no one gets “emotionally overheated,”
• Acceptance of Influence, so partners (typically men) can accept the desires and wishes of their partners (typically women)
• Repair Attempts or efforts to make up by using humor or conceding a point (there’s about one effort every three minutes for most couples)
• De-escalation of hot emotions and efforts to compromise
• Bids for Affection or efforts to connect through a shared joke, a quick kiss, or a quiet smile that is returned
• lack of Gridlock on problem issues by finding the underlying reason for the conflict and finding a way to meet both partner’s needs

A point Greg and Kathy made is we can grow our marriage by growing together as soul mates. Studying the bible together and studying marriage together. Growing in faith and knowledge together could be an amazing journey and that you did it together makes it even more amazing!

We also need to develop a sense of “we.” When we get married we become one, which means we would do things together. Read a book together. Do activities that your spouse likes that you think you may not, you may be surprised that you actually enjoy them to. Or even just seeing how happy it makes your spouse is enough to do it again.  Make decisions together and goals. Develop a shared vision for your future. When one person is left out of the decisions that can make them feel unimportant and cause them to look for that value somewhere else.

Matthew 1

The first past of Matthew shows the lineage of Jesus. I see a familiar name from the book of Ruth. Obed the son of Ruth because of Naomi guiding Ruth to Bethlehem and telling her to find  a husband in Boaz. God has a plan for us even though it seems we are lost.

¹⁷ Thus there were fourteen generations in all from Abraham to David, fourteen from David to the exile to Babylon, and fourteen from the exile to the Messiah.

I like this. Seems simple enough; but I see more in it. Fourteen generations that is a long time; but look how far they came. Exile to the Messiah! God’ s timing is perfect.

Matthew 2

Joseph Accepts Jesus as His Son

I believe most everyone believer or not knows the story of Mary and Joseph. It is told here in Matthew 2. Mary was supposed to marry Joseph and God spiritually impregnated her. This for anyone would be hard to explain! Joseph was a good guy and was going to divorce her quietly instead of bringing her out in front the village where who knows what they would do to her back then.  When Joseph had made this decision God came to him and told him what she says was the truth! Isn’t that how God works too… we finally make up our mind on a super important decision and WHAM God says oh you should do this!

Joseph of course did as he was commanded.

²⁵ But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

Joseph was so faithful to God, he didn’t even mix his seed with the seed of God. He left her pure until Jesus was born!  I never thought about that. We know she was conceived through the spirit but I never thought about her husband never evening laying with her  and that she was indeed pure.

Ruth 4

The story continues

Let’s recap what has happened so far in Ruth. Naomi had a happy little family husband two sons and two daughter in-laws. THEN her husband dies. Then her sons die. Never told how they die in the book of Ruth. So Naomi tells her daughter in-laws go live with your parents try to find new husbands. One does the other; Ruth travels with Naomi to her home town. Ruth then works the fields meets Boaz a relative of Naomi. Ruth offers a proposal of marriage. Boaz says another man is first in line; so he goes to ask this other one and Ruth goes to wait for an answer with Naomi. WOW

Boaz Marries Ruth

Boaz went to find this man and 10 elders

V3….. is selling the piece of land that belonged to our relative Elimelek

SO Boaz goes to this man brings the elders so everything is official, but then says a piece of land not a marriage proposal. He said if you don’t want it I am next in line. The man said he would redeem it. Is this why Boaz said it was land, because the man would not take a woman?

Then Boaz slips in the fact that the land comes with the mans widow Ruth.  At this the man said no way this would endanger his own estate and told Boaz to take it.  Boaz announced to the elders and made it final. The elders were quiet happy actually and blessed Boaz, but having multiple wives was different back then.

Naomi Gains a Son

No time wasted right!! They had a son.

¹⁴ The women said to Naomi: “Praise be to the LORD, who this day has not left you without a guardian-redeemer. May he become famous throughout Israel! ¹⁵ He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age. For your daughter-in-law, who loves you and who is better to you than seven sons, has given him birth.”

I love that; she although is not blood is better than seven sons! Not sure what is wrong with these woman they also said this.

¹⁶ Then Naomi took the child in her arms and cared for him. ¹⁷ The women living there said, “Naomi has a son!” And they named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.

Was Naomi saying this child would be hers? I don’t think she would do that! This has to just be a grandmother love!

I also thought Obed was curious. It is the beginning of obedience. Just as Ruth was obedient to her mother in law; her son would most likely gain this trait for her.  Also that this union would bring along King David!!!  Although loosing her first husband was full of sorrow look what God brought her!

Ruth 3

Ruth and Boaz at the Threshing Floor

 ¹ One day Ruth’s mother-in-law Naomi said to her, “My daughter, I must find a home^[a] for you, where you will be well provided for. ² Now Boaz, with whose women you have worked, is a relative of ours. Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. ³ Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. ⁴ When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.”

This all seems crazy to me!! The olden way to offer yourself to a man?! We know Naomi wants Ruth to find a new husband and be safe and provided for she will not live forever. I understand marriage to relatives was not the biggest deal back then, and Boaz had been showing them kindness.

Threshing-floor — Which was in a place covered at the top, but open elsewhere, whither Ruth might easily come. And this work of winnowing corn was usually ended with a feast.

Uncover his feet — Remove the clothes that were upon his feet; thereby to awaken him.

Will tell thee — What course thou shalt take to obtain that marriage which belongs unto thee. Wesley’s Explanatory Notes

Ruth obeyed Naomi and went to the threshing floor.  When Boaz awoke from the cold feet, he asked who are you and Ruth in turn explained who she was.

v8 “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a guardian-redeemer^[b] of our family.”

So this meant she wanted to marry him I am guessing since the next line is why would you not choose a younger man?

¹¹ And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character.

So was she just asking to be his daughter?!!? Boaz tells Ruth there is someone more close in relation and he would check with him in the morning if he wanted to marry her and if he didn’t Boaz would himself.

Ruth left early in the morning and Boaz said no one must know you came here and also gave her some barley. She went home to Naomi who of course asked how it went. Ruth told her everything and now they just had to wait and see what was in store for them…

This chapter played out like a soap opera!! I was on the edge of my seat and they leave you hanging to what will happen next!

The Mind is the battlefield. John’s Side

Think Back…..

• How does Satan attempt to defeat us? With Strategy and deceit through well laid plans and deliberate deception.
• What did Jesus call the devil? Father of Lies and of all that is false.
• Explain the phrase, “One of the devil’s strong points in patience.”  He is willing to invest time to defeat us.
• What are strongholds? How can we overcome them? are what we are held in bondage due to a certain way of thinking. We can overcome them by knowing the Word of God.
• Why are prayer and praise effective weapons in overcoming strongholds? Praise and prayer both involve the Word. We praise God according to His Word and His goodness. 

via The Mind is the battlefield. Mary’s Side « Extraordinary Jeni.

John’s Side

John also has his own set of problems.  Instead of taking his position as head of the family he lets his wife run everything. He feels defeated so he will retreat into TV and sports. John is hiding from his responsibility because he hates confrontation. He prefers to take a passive attitude.

Ephesians 5:25

 ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

John needs to take responsibility, and with responsibility comes authority. He should be firm with his wife — loving, but firm. He should reassure Mary that even though she was hurt as a child, as she releases herself to God through trusting HIM, she will gain confidence that not all men are like her father was. 

John should be doing a lot of things, but like Mary, he also has “mindsets” that open the door for the devil to hold him captive. He was very abused in childhood. His domineering mother had a sharp tongue and frequently said hurtful things to him. Since he craved her approval he tried hard, but the harder he tried the more mistakes he made. At school being rejected my friends would just be an everyday child event, but because John already felt rejected by his mother it was devastating. John simply had no courage to be anything but quiet, shy and withdrawn.

What is the Answer.

Luke 4:18-19

   ¹⁸ “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me  to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, ¹⁹ to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

With John and Mary’s conflicting problems, it is not too hard to imagine what their home life is like. Strife is not warfare, but needs to be dealt with it because the devil loves it!  If they continue to study God’s Word, the will know the truth, and acting on the truth will set them free. But they must each face the truth about themselves and their past as God reveals it to them. It is a painful process to face our faults and deal with them.

Our past may explain why we’re suffering, BUT we must not use it as an excuse to stay in bondage. 

The Way Out

1 Corinthians 10:13

¹³ No temptation^[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted^[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,^[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

We have seen through Mary & John that Satan takes our circumstance and builds strongholds in our lives, but thank God we have the weapons to tear them down. God doesnt abandon us and leave us helpless. God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear, but with every temptation He will also provide the way out, the escape.

God is on your side.

Questions

• Read Luke 4:18, 19. What has God promised concerning the poor, the captives, the blind, the oppressed and others?
• Read 1 Corinthians 10:13. What does this verse say about God and the temptations and trials we encounter while tearing down stronghold?
• If you are a Mary of a John; you probably realize you have these inner strongholds….can you look in your past and pinpoint were the originated?

The Mind is the battlefield. Mary’s Side

Questions from last Blog.

1. Read 2 Corinthians 10:4-5; Proverbs 23:7 KJV  Why are our thoughts important? We can demolish strongholds.
2. Read Romans 8:5  How do our actions relate to our thoughts? Our actions are a direct result of our thoughts
3. Read Romans 12:2 How will our lives be changed if we renew our minds according to God’s Word? We will be able to deceiver the thoughts from Satan and from God.  Maybe dodging some of the battles we were not meant to fight.
4. Review 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 How will we know the difference between what is in our mind and what is the mind of God?  By knowing the Word of God and keeping in it our hearts and mind.

via Battlefield of the Mind Intro « Extraordinary Jeni.

The Mind is The Battlefield.

Ephesians 6:12

¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

This scripture shows we are indeed at war. A war against the devil and his demons.  The devil is a liar. Jesus called him… the father of lies and all that is false.  (John 8:44) He does not however tell us the entire lie all at one time. The devil has been studying us and he is patient. He knows our insecurities, our weaknesses and our fears. He is willing to invest any amount of time it take to defeat us. One of the devil’s strong points is patience. You ever feel like when will this end?!?! The truth be told…It wont until you reach heaven. The devil will never give up and always knows how to push your buttons.

Chapter 16: Happy Anniversary

Making Marriage Last For a Lifetime

The truth is; we are all a mess! We know we are nowhere near deserving of all that God has gifted us with – be it His Son, Jesus Christ, who died on behalf of our sins, or our husband, who loves us in and through the marriage commitment he made to us years ago.  God and our husbands’ love us through all our mess!

We need to take a closer look into God’s idea of Love… specifically unconditional love. Because being married means you have someone who loves you no matter how weird or wonderful you are 0 it’s about your husband being there, come what may. Unconditional love has given us the opportunity to be wholly real and wholly loved.

God intends for us to love. It’s the unselfish love mentioned in

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This is the kind of love that never gives up!! The kind of love that breeds hope – the hope it takes for any married couple to weather the years with a commitment that “endures through every circumstance.”