Chapter 16: Happy Anniversary

Making Marriage Last For a Lifetime

The truth is; we are all a mess! We know we are nowhere near deserving of all that God has gifted us with – be it His Son, Jesus Christ, who died on behalf of our sins, or our husband, who loves us in and through the marriage commitment he made to us years ago.  God and our husbands’ love us through all our mess!

We need to take a closer look into God’s idea of Love… specifically unconditional love. Because being married means you have someone who loves you no matter how weird or wonderful you are 0 it’s about your husband being there, come what may. Unconditional love has given us the opportunity to be wholly real and wholly loved.

God intends for us to love. It’s the unselfish love mentioned in

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This is the kind of love that never gives up!! The kind of love that breeds hope – the hope it takes for any married couple to weather the years with a commitment that “endures through every circumstance.”

Chapter 15: The FOO Fandango

Creating Healthy Boundaries with Your Extended Families.

Susie talked about how everyone loves ballroom dancing, she thinks an even more alluring dance is a dance performed by married couples. She relates this dance to being played out in the context off extended family relationships. I thought to myself…what??

Author Martha Beck identified as the FOO (Family Of Origin) Fandango. The FOO Fandango is determined by how a person’s family of origin has impacted his or her life and continues to impact his or her current non-FOO personal relationships.

We need to understand our FOO history because it affects how we operate in our current family setting. The fact is that much of our current behavior has been influenced by an early childhood desire to fit in. As children, we attempted to fall into step with our family around us, which in essence created a behavior dance that we brought into our adult lives.

Chapter 14: Catering to the Kids.

Catering to the Kids

Keeping the Little Ones From Taking Too Big a Space.

What we do for our kids.

There is nothing wrong, in fact it is very good that we tend on our children when they need us. As moms we feel that is EVERY second of the day… how could they not need us, we need them!! Or at least I do… Susie wrote on how she was trying to finish this book but the end of the year and very close to deadline, her son called to check in from college…. she said he sounded strange. He called way earlier than he was usually up, she was right he was sick and vomiting.  HEaring his tired voice made her feel disheartened. And to top it off it was his birthday!! Being a mother we imagine him sad, sick, and alone in his dorm room on his birthday and it tears our hearts up. She decided to drive out to see him… wouldn’t you?!!? He was only two hours away! She had to finish her work.. but her “baby” needed her!! Doesn’t every mom feel this!? Of course her son says mom I am ok I will call you if I need anything.

So Susie settled back into working determined to make her deadline. But of course her son was on her min. “He may call back!” So she got some coffee and kept the phone close by trying to work. She heard someone coming in through the garage… wasn’t expecting anyone…  It was her husband stopping by for a little husband and wife time!  Susie thought to herself how selfish! doesn’t her know how much I have on my plate!?  She felt the irritation and anger; then remember she was “on call” for her sick 20 year old baby.   Through these quick moments she realized how quickly and carelessly she had put her child’s needs over those of her husband.

Chapter 13: Money Mayhem

Section Four

Friendly Fire

In marriage we often experience a type of friendly fire they very things that are there to bless a marriage can sometimes tear it apart. Things like the kids. Or a house. Or money. And even extended family. Those blessings in life can become warped, and instead of supporting the marriage, they attack it. They are positioned in a place that drains the marriage instead of replenishing it.

This section will uncover the ways that the “friendlies” in our life erroneously fire on our marriage.

Chapter 12: The Sexiest Man Alive

Sexiest Man Alive

What to do when you’re attracted to the Wrong Man

Susie talks about one day her husband went out to dinner with friends; the topic of celebs came up. “If you could kiss any celebrity, who would it be?” Around the table they went and shared..Mel Gibson on a beach wearing a kilt …. Then her husbands turn; they all were quiet they wanted to know who their pastor would kiss……. He picked Angela Lansbury… I had no clue so I looked her up.

The group laughed about her being older.  Then on Sunday he stood on his pulpit and found some friends had taped a picture of Angela on his podium.  They got him good. While this is all fun and jokes…. we still need to look at this question….What do you do when you are attracted to someone other than your spouse??

Chapter 11: Languishing Lovers

Languishing Lovers

When an Uninspiring Marriage Might Signal a Needed Career Change.

In the intro to this chapter Susie talks about a Forbes.com article saying not to marry a career woman; than she will more likely grow dissatisfied with her husband…..Dual career or not, I think many wives struggle with growing dissatisfied with their husbands.  Some may feel the love is lost from their marriage. Sometimes love seems to have grown cold. – or wives get bored or distracted – and many lose the passionate affection that they once felt their husbands. Although a career girl is not necessarily more likely; a career can get in the way of loving a man; but so can the kids, the house, and a crazy schedule!

Chapter 10: Let it Rain

Why Sex to a Man Is like Rain in a Drought.

I as a Washingtonian do not realize as much as others how precious rain is!  To the natural beauty of the cities like Texas; the farmers whose crop is being effected.  The prices in the grocery store also seeing the pressure. Some ranchers even forced to sell off cattle that they cannot afford to feed due to the deterioration of their pasture lands. Everything is connected and effected. Many feel flooding is a serious disaster.

Forecasting a Relational Disaster.

Just as the lack of rain causes a drought; a lack of sex in marriage creates a drought that is a relational disaster. It creates an imbalance in the unseen parts of a man’s psyche deep within his heart. A marriage absent of regular, enthusiastic sex is bound to have a drought like effect in the relationship.  Slowly the relationship dries up.

Some woman are thinking….really….? I can go forever without it!!! We don’t have the time, the kids are always around, I don’t like the way I look, after a whole day we are both just too tired, He isn’t nice to me or he doesn’t even romance me,…… I know I have used every single one of those!! Most of the time they are all true!! The excuses are not good enough!

We can’t really come close to understanding the deep psychological need men have for sex in marriage nor how it fulfills them.

Chapter 9: He’s Hot to Someone

Don’t be the third wheel in your own relationship!

Imagine your mornings; you wake up throw your hair into a ponytail and put on your carpool clothes.  Get the kids some breakfast, make their lunches, and love on the baby cuddle the puppy…Hurry the kids out the door hopefully getting all the backpacks and kids in the car and to school on time without a potty break or toddler fit or teenager attitude!! Your husband gets a quick goodbye peck as the door slams shut…….Some woman go to work after that as well..not seeing their husbands all day long. After a long day of work she would most likely be wiped but still have to make dinner, do homework, baths, stories, and clean up… Where does your husband fit in?

Chapter 8: Failure to Yield

A Mutually Submitted Relationship

How a Mutually Submitted Relationship Makes Things Run Smoothly

Susie tells a story of when her husband was hit by a care riding his bike had to get stitches, but was ok. The boy man did not yield and ran into him. She spoke to the doctors and even her husband in the ambulance, she was so scared.  As she looked for her keys her mind raced… went to her raising her kids alone …. When she arrived she saw him he looked beat up, but like someone who was hit by a car. Within a few hours he went home.

Right of Way

She thought on that kid’s failure to yield. How his desire to go first could have seriously messed up so many people’s lives. A failure to yield in your marriage can create all kinds of problems too. We sometimes think only of ourselves. t’s a good idea if it was mine…

Philippians 2:3-4

³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.