Soul Integrity

Lysa has decided there are four categories of unglued reactions. You can read my last post here

1. Exploders who shame themselves
2. Exploders who blame others
3. Stuffers who build barriers
4. Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks

no matter how “kind” of a person we are, we will still have these unglued moments.

Soul integrity is  honesty that’s godly. It brings the passion of the exploder and the peacemaking of the stuffer under the authority of Jesus.

A Balance… in everything balance is key and our emotions is no different. When we explode we embrace the honesty by how we are truly feeling, but miss the godly peacemaking. We can be honest with how we feel and still exaggerate or misinterpret what is factually true.  This may just be emotional spewing.  That is why we need godly honesty; honesty reined in by the Holy Spirit.

Just as we shouldn’t always be blatant about our feelings, we should not be fake.When we stuff and pretend everything is ok we are not being honest. We may be keeping the peace but we are missing the honesty factor. We will end up harboring those feelings and building up barriers, and bitterness. Over time the eruption may be extreme!

Truth and godliness always walk hand in hand.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. – James 3:7-8

Self effort alone cannot tame the tongues and our raw emotions that run wild.  Here’s what James says about the exploders.

7 People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, 8 but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. 10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! 11 Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?12 Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring. (NLT)

Then James also lets us know how to recover when we do fail, because honestly we all do.

3 If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.

When we are humble, we realize our honesty can’t be one-sided. We try to see other people’s perspective.  We stop and think about what we say before we just spout it off.  Here is some wisdom for the stuffer.

14 But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

The harboring James is talking about is rooted in envy and selfish ambition. Bitter and selfish. Protecting ourselves from the conflicts we don’t want to deal with.  That self protection quickly turns into selfishness.

17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.

Sincere! Being a true peacemaking reaps a harvest of great qualities in our lives right things, godly things, healthy things.

18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.

Go to the Lord and ask Him where in the four you are. You may be in all of them. Ask Him to show you what He wants you to learn.

What Kind of Unglued Am I?

Am I an exploder? Or am I a stuffer?

There is a big difference between labeling ourselves and identifying our tendencies. People come unglued and react in one of two ways, either by exploding or stuffing.

Exploding means pushing emotions outward. You can feel those emotions building up and like I prefer to call it word vomit come spewing out. Everything you have felt that day, last week, since you have been in existence is game to come up.  This usually comes with stern words, harsh looks, raised voices, condemning attitudes, and slamming stuff around.

Stuffing can be just as harmful. This quiet explosion can be just as hurtful to others when we shut down, or ignore them. We tend to hold those grudges. Personally I will have an argument in my head doing both people’s dialect; thinking I know what they will say, although it could be false.  Stuffing means pushing emotions inward.

Lysa has decided there are four categories of unglued reactions.

1. Exploders who shame themselves
2. Exploders who blame others
3. Stuffers who build barriers
4. Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks

After reading these four categories, can you see that we fit in them all! I could think of an example for each! Depending on the situation and the people involved we will shift how we react.  Then we will also see that we react differently to different people. It’s hard to take an honest look at that. I tend to explode on those i love most and know they will forgive me and stuff for those I want to impress and to like me.

The Exploder who shames herself.

When I’m feeling unglued with a stranger, I tend to be an exploder who later shames herself for not being more Christian-like. -Lysa

Lysa described this and I could see how this could happen. I tend to not act up since I am afraid of being judged by strangers. I’ll say something under my breath or later on in the car. Exploders aren’t always loud in conveying their point, but they do use their words and tone to make sure the other person feels their point.  So I think back to the grocery store, someones kid is acting a fool as the mom texts away. Instead of saying something to her I would say girls thank you for standing so well-behaved. I appreciate it; hoping the mom would see her kid is being a monster and ruining my shopping trip.  i could have shame later for using my girls to make a point but I am not sure.  But I could have shame for being a Christian woman getting caught up in petty stuff instead of shinning the light of Jesus.

The Exploder who Blames Others.

When I’m feeling unglued with my kids, I tend to be an exploder who blames them for pushing me to this place.

Ever had those mornings when everyone is driving you insane, nothing is going right, you are late, and you finally just break? I have one at least once a week. Then I start ranting and raving. If you would have _______ I would not be ___________. Fill in the blanks with everything they possibly did to anger you that morning.  Or start your sentences with I love you but you are driving me insane, you never listen, obey, clean up, or make my life easier. Blaming them for everything.  Those I love you sentiments fall flat.  Then later you regret blowing up at the kids for being kids. Your heart feels heaving and you start listening to the lies.

The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers.

When I’m feeling unglued with my friends or my parents, I tend to be a stuffer who builds barriers.

Ever have someone especially someone you trusted in your inner circle offend or betray you; there for making your friendship no longer safe? A friend of Lysa talked trash about her family on a VM that was meant to end and didn’t. Instead of dealing with the issue she stuffed it.  “I can’t deal with this” “I don’t know what to say or how to say it” So she said nothing. Stuffed it and put up barriers to hide behind.  I know this feeling and it is very lonely and filled with pain. You hold these people at a distance even if you rekindle a friendship. Then I start listening to the lies….. you will never have a friend you can count on…… you will just be alone…..

The Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks.

When I’m feeling unglued with my husband, I tend to collect retaliation rocks to use as weapons in future disagreements.

Lysa calls this the smile and swallow routine. When we are upset at our husbands, we take every little rock and store it up for later use. A stoning of sorts!  Give me one good reason to unleash this fury of rocks i been saving! Usually we blow over something as crazy as him bring home a diet coke not a coke! Then regret and then lies.

Seahawks in Christ!

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