The Exploder Who Blames Others.

Along with THE EXPLODER WHO SHAMES HERSELF; blaming others is also a way exploders deal with their raw emotions. A lack in self control will cause someone to snap and lash out at anyone is arms length. It is hard to display self control when someone else does things out of our control.

When someone else’s actions or statements threaten to pull me into a bad place. I have a choice.

Self Control

Say it out loud in the moment see if that reminds you!

The choice is whether or not to give the other person the power to control my emotions. The one who holds their tongue holds the power.

When we are void of power we are void of self control. The power we are talking about is God’s power working in me. When we react according to God’s Words, we feel that power. When we react contrary to God’s Word, we feel powerless.

Isaiah 55:10-11

10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
and do not return to it without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

God’s Word will not return empty. The answer to keeping God’s power in us and working in us to produce self control is letting God’s Word get inside us. That’s how we access God’s power.

When your kids are driving you nuts say out loud; I realize I have an enemy and that enemy is not you. The devil is prowling and roaring and looking to devour me through my own lack of self control right now, but I am God’s girl. I am going to humbly and quietly let God have His way in me. Go to the scripture to calm you.

This is not about memorizing scripture, its more about application of that scripture. Write them down, keep them in your pocket in your phone, on stick notes! Have them handy! The more we go to them the more likely we will learn them! Most importantly stay connected to God.

Holy Restraint

Quoting God’s Word in the present tense infuses our hearts with holy restraint and diffuses our reaction so we don’t spew. This is not the same as self control. Self control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It’s the external expression of our relationship with God. Holy Restraint is the seed of this fruit. It’s the internal experience of living with Christ and really applying His truths in my life.

Just like an undercooked cake, we will implode from the pressure without God.

Finding the Quiet

The only way we can see what God is doing and attend to what He reveals is to get quiet with Him. Here are 5 things that Lysa as discovered in the quiet.

In the quiet, we feel safe enough to humble ourselves.

1 Peter 5:6-7

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

In the quiet, God lifts us up to a more rational place. When we are in the heat of a tangled mess, crazy emotions drag us down into a pit of hopelessness.
In the quiet, anxiety gives way to process. His love comes without unfair human judgement, we soften and feel safe enough to humbly admit we need Him to work on us.
In the quiet, we acknowledge that our real enemy isn’t the other person.

1 Peter 5:8-10

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

In the quiet, I can rest assured God will use this conflict for good – no matter how it turns out. Focus on the good God is working out in me through this situation and leave the outcome with Him.

Soul Integrity

Lysa has decided there are four categories of unglued reactions. You can read my last post here

Exploders who shame themselves
Exploders who blame others
Stuffers who build barriers
Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks

no matter how “kind” of a person we are, we will still have these unglued moments.

Soul integrity is honesty that’s godly. It brings the passion of the exploder and the peacemaking of the stuffer under the authority of Jesus.

A Balance… in everything balance is key and our emotions is no different. When we explode we embrace the honesty by how we are truly feeling, but miss the godly peacemaking. We can be honest with how we feel and still exaggerate or misinterpret what is factually true. This may just be emotional spewing. That is why we need godly honesty; honesty reined in by the Holy Spirit.

Just as we shouldn’t always be blatant about our feelings, we should not be fake.When we stuff and pretend everything is ok we are not being honest. We may be keeping the peace but we are missing the honesty factor. We will end up harboring those feelings and building up barriers, and bitterness. Over time the eruption may be extreme!

Truth and godliness always walk hand in hand.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. – James 3:7-8

Self effort alone cannot tame the tongues and our raw emotions that run wild. Here’s what James says about the exploders.

7 People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, 8 but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. 10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! 11 Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?12 Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring. (NLT)

Then James also lets us know how to recover when we do fail, because honestly we all do.

3 If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.

When we are humble, we realize our honesty can’t be one-sided. We try to see other people’s perspective. We stop and think about what we say before we just spout it off. Here is some wisdom for the stuffer.

14 But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

The harboring James is talking about is rooted in envy and selfish ambition. Bitter and selfish. Protecting ourselves from the conflicts we don’t want to deal with. That self protection quickly turns into selfishness.

17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.

Sincere! Being a true peacemaking reaps a harvest of great qualities in our lives right things, godly things, healthy things.

18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.

Go to the Lord and ask Him where in the four you are. You may be in all of them. Ask Him to show you what He wants you to learn.